Six years ago, I started a blog. I was 23, travelling around the UK and Europe, poor in the bank account but rich in freedom. Being away from my parents for so long, with a week phone call not long enough to discuss my weekly travel plans (was it Paris, or Menorca that I had traveled last weekend, and Bulgaria the week before that?) the memories were fading quickly with each new country that I visited, and a blog seemed a practical way to relay my travels to my family and friends. I wrote of my most beautiful experiences in countries Id traveled, and the most challenging. The language barriers, the missed trains, missed flights, the people I met along the way, the strange meals I was served, the incredible museums and landmarks I had visited, the 'on top of the world' times, and the times I felt completely helpless, lost in a city, alone. My four years living in London and travelling Europe, were the best times of my life and the worst. The euphoria I felt diving into the crystal-clear waters in Greece, and exploring King Tut's Tomb in Egypt, and the tears and helplessness, scrounging around for what little savings I had left to pay my crazy high rent in London, missing flights, or when stuck at strange train stations, with no people nearby and a flat phone. Leaving my hometown to travel, I sacrificed my safe space and close relationships as friends fell away in the years following, and as much as I lost in my first few months abroad, I gained in the years ahead.
I never grew the courage to publish my blog. I wrote for years, but no one ever saw a single post. By the time I was ready to take the plunge to publish it, I had landed back in Australia and the furthest I was travelling was a 5-minute walk down my street to get coffee. My days were stagnant, I felt lost trying to fit back into normal living, and the right time had come and gone.
When I fell pregnant with Addie, I had an idea of how I wanted to raise her, but everything else, I was lost on. How did I expect to feel during pregnancy, what does birth feel like, baby necessities, what do I pack in my hospital bag...when do I pack my hospital bag? I felt nervous, excited, and overwhelmed with a pregnancy we were not expecting so soon, and starting our own family with all our immediate family in different states and New Zealand. Excitement but also anxiety set in, so I researched and found blogs of other mothers detailing the 'real talk' of Motherhood. The ups, the downs, the cliches and the 'less discussed' happenings in pregnancy and birth. I soaked it all up and prepared as much as I could, based on the writing of other mums. I found out about Hypnobirthing through a blog and decided this was the path I wanted to take when birthing. I read about Cell Care, where I could bank my baby's rich cord blood, in the circumstance that we ever needed it. The pros and cons of baby monitors, sleep training, dummies, and what I really needed in my hospital bag.
The days with a newborn were busy, but full of love, kisses, nappies, and a daily differing attitude to parenting ("I've got this!"..."Ok, I have not got this!"). As each of our experiences of pregnancy, birth and motherhood differ, so too does my story. I write not only of my journey, but of raw motherhood, posting an insight of the challenges overcome and simply living life with a little one. Being a mother is the most incredible journey that I have ever embarked on. Some days I look at that little face and just want to cry with the amount of love I hold in my heart for my little girl, other days I just want to pop her in a playpen with The Wiggles on repeat and head out for a strong martini (hypothetically). Parenting is the most fulfilling journey in many people’s lives, but one that you can never truly prepare for. So here it is, my journey and what I have learnt along the way.
Thanks for coming along for the ride!
Xx
London 2018 - Lavender Fields
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